wishing to find my breaking point.

there are times in your life when you just feel like breaking
you feel like breaking would be the release to all the angst built up in you
like the emotions would somehow just race out of your chest and be gone forever.
usually when you feel like breaking away, you already feel completly broken.

mostly, yes, I'm mostly broken, but not yet completely.
mostly you start to feel like you're already broken when you've started to mend.
i need to start that mend.
i need to know i've broken all i can and i can finally start to heal
i don't want to sit here, with open wounds, knowing i haven't even had the worst of it
awaiting my nightmare
just crying over the horror i know will come.

but it wont come.
it's not coming!!
why must it be delayed!
i want it to all be over
and beautiful, once again.

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